BULOG IS MAD AS HELL!

I got this text message the other day from Antonio Bulog:

"Mad ashel!"

Bulog is from Barangay Eniwar the quintessential tuba gatherer who chews mam-on (betel-buyo chew) and spits his saliva on your face when he gets awfully mad.

I wanted to be sure what's his state of mind nowadays.  So I texted back:

"D q gets!"

He emailed me!  Here's his unedited message.:

November 11,2009

Barangay Eniwer

Dear Doc  Simp,

You silly idiot.  Dont u read?  I paddled my own baroto yesterday to the nearest  internet cafe from barangay Eniwer to get updates on da fight of  my hero Pacman and whats his face Kuto. 

Las Vegas ha?  S dats where tong-it and pusoy tournaments are held?  Enways, while surfing in the yawa-yawa ( web) I read that our  Speaker of d haus Nograles will be in Las Vegas to watch Pacman. I olso read that Nograles will go to Washington to meet Nancy who seems very pretty in red and has no mole on her checks.  Da fight s on Saturday, November 14, ryt?  So one wek and Nograles will be n d states?  Word also s spread around  ol over pinas that about 50 politicos will c da fayt.

But reding farder,  my 6tth  grade arithmetic bothers me no end.  Nograles according 2 d  Inquirer said d congressmen will pay their own money n no wan will prevent dem from doing dat n dat.   Hers wat  I found:

Nograles says hell spend $750.00 on air fare out of his pocket!  And hell be sitting besides Pacmans Mama on the way to Los Angeles.  I do not know  who r sitting  with the other 50 but I guess dey will ride d plane alone or wid der wives.

I visited the MGM website to know more about the price of tikets.  I had to get my alphabet right  - u know dos  ho wil b sitting ringside:

A. $11,782 - $47,125

B. $$8,012.00

C. $9,048.00

D. $6,127.00

E. $3,205.00

F. $15,080.00

G. $943.00

H. $9,237.00

Upper seats:  $336.00 lowest price.

I texted my wife to giv me a budget just n case I can afford to watch Pacman  n Kuto.  N c replied:

"Airline fare: $750.00

Ticket:  $336.00

Total: $1,086.00 equals PhP51,042.00 f d xchanges is Php47.00 to a $.  My wife who was my klasmayt n 6th grade olwys got  a grade o 85; mine was 65 so c must be ryt!  But ur hotel n alowans r not included. Besides, d custom people myt probably confiscate your betel/buyo wad supply!"

I hate it wen pipols prohibit me chewing my mam-on!  Last tym I was n Manila someone grabbed my wad from my back pocket n I was so miserable how pipol wudeven think of robbing me!

I am reli mad as hel, doc simp. Last time I saw da pac  demolish wats his name Hat-on,  it was in Lucena City SM n it was free.  I hated it when u texted me wyl I was stil wtching d fight - dat D Pac won!  So I just watched d pipols around ringside n lo n behold der were so meni Pilipinos n d ringside ncluding som politicos ho must b reli very rich n can afford the plane n ringside tikets 2 d Stats.

U must remember dat I had to sell 3 sacks of copra and 3 dozens of eggs 2 go to Lucena.  My wife ov cors did not like it  so c did not speak 2 me 4 over 3 weeks.

I wont ask my wife again how 3 sacks of copra and 3 dozens eggs cud even come up 2  ringside ticket in letter F  4 $15,080.00.  Pls relay ds 2 ur nternet friends to help me n my arithmetic figure it out n pesos.

Urs 2roly,

Antonio Bulog